The Houseboat

Across the Golden Gate Bridge in Sausalito, a whole other world unfolded.  It was almost always sunny and hot.  There was a lively arts scene and rich hippies bought property in Marin County early on.  Off the grubby fog encrusted streets of the Haight was a whole new world.

Teddy and John lurked around Kendalhang, coming and going, bringing people to meet Eddie, contributing to the upkeep of the flat.  I knew that their business was dealing dope and that meant that Eddie had to be some sort of supplier.  It didn’t matter.  In fact, it meant that we had regular meals and the rent was always paid.  As far as communes went, Kendalhang was discreet.  It wasn’t noisy.  We never had loud parties.  No drunk or freaked out drug crazies running up and down the stairs, it was just a nice flat with a lot of people living there.  We knew that this was technically illegal in 1967, but no one complained because everyone lived in these loose, fluid arrangements.  My problem was that I shared a room with two other people and I longed for some privacy.

Teddy and John seldom spent the night at Kendalhang.  Teddy lived across the Bay in Sausalito on a houseboat at Gate 5.  John had a sporadic job on the railroad and lived in a small apartment in a giant rambling Victorian apartment house on California and Fillmore in the cheap rent part of Pacific Heights.  One evening Teddy asked me if I wanted to come and stay with him. 

I jumped at the chance to get out of the Haight.  Teddy was handsome.  He was a successful dope dealer and had lots of money.  He was nice to me.  The houseboat sounded very romantic, like an exotic escape from the tension and bustle of the City.  It would be a luxury to have my own room, to sit in the sun on the deck of the houseboat, no fog, no noise.  It was always warm in Sausalito. 

I packed up my few belongings and followed Teddy one afternoon.  Eddie stood at the top of the long stairway with his hands in the pockets of his dressing gown.

“Sally, you always have a place here.  Remember that.”

I looked up and smiled.  I had a little twinge of regret as I closed the door and hopped in Teddy’s red MG convertible.  As we drove across the Golden Gate Bridge, I leaned my head back and looked up at the orange girders that disappeared into the fog that was rolling in over San Francisco Bay.  Halfway across the bridge the fog curtain lifted revealing a brilliant blue sky.  Heat enveloped the car and I turned to Teddy.

“It’s a sign, a good omen.” I saw the outline of a smile around Teddy’s mouth.

The houseboat wasn’t as funky as I thought it might be considering what I knew about men keeping house.  Maybe dope dealers kept women around to do that for them, cook, clean house, make beds, like hippie maids.  Was that what I was supposed to do for Teddy?  It didn’t look like he needed a maid. 

I discovered that Teddy actually cleaned his own house. He also kept food in the cupboards and clean sheets on the bed.  There was no second bedroom, nothing but a nice couch in the front room.  But I pushed the sleeping arrangements to the back of my mind and made a place for myself and my bags in a corner of the living room.  Teddy was on already on the phone doing business. 

When he hung up, he turned around to me, “I have to split.  I’ll be back soon.  There’s the stereo and don’t answer the phone.  Dig?”

“Yeah, sure, groovy.  I’ll just hang out until you’re done.  Do you want me to do anything?  Should I cook?”

“No.  Just chill out until I get back.  Oh, the dope tray is in that bottom cabinet by the bed.”

He grabbed his keys and took off.  I took the tray out of the cabinet and rolled a joint.  A sliding glass door led to the little deck that ran along the side of the houseboat.  I sat in a deck chair and watched the sun set over the bay.  The island of Tiburon and the Oakland Bay Bridge were in the distance.  The lights looked like strings of diamonds, a little psychedelic, kind of sparkly, as I got higher.  The fog fell over the edges of the hills and as it reached the lights, they shattered into prisms of colors on the drops of salt water.  A damp chill settled in so I went inside and pulled a book out of my bag, grabbed a bag of Fritos from the cupboard and lay on the couch reading until I fell asleep.  I woke up long enough to grab a blanket and tuck it around me.  I didn’t hear Teddy come in that night. 

Teddy spent his time on the telephone making connections and doing business.  We never connected.  Sleeping with him turned out to be just that, sleeping.  He took a lot of speed and stayed up all night, either on the houseboat or out.  I think the speed made him indifferent, or impotent.  I knew about that.  But he was tidy, and clean, and very very quiet, so I never flirted and we seldom had long conversations.  I read a lot.

One afternoon, Teddy drove me in to Sausalito to have sashimi at the Trident.  It was my first ever experience with raw fish.  Teddy carefully showed me how to eat sushi and sashimi, pouring the soy sauce into little dishes and dipping a slice of tuna then placing it in my mouth.  He laughed at my surprise in the taste and approved when I realized I enjoyed the new experience.  I loved the Trident.  It was right on the mudflats, with broad decks and lots of very hip people drinking cocktails.  The super fashionable waitresses called Teddy by name and buzzed around him like bees around a particularly juicy flower.  It made me feel special to be the lady on his arm.

Teddy also took me shopping at a very hip little boutique in town.  He bought me a new outfit; suede mini skirt, and a paisley body suit, the newest thing, that zipped up the front.  With my knee high Italian boots and short bob, I felt the equal of any weekend hippie around.  But by the end of the week, I was restless.  I didn’t love Teddy and found that I didn’t even really like him that much.  There was no sex, and while that was okay all things considered, I felt kept and purposeless.  There was no one to talk to, no Haight Street excursions to amuse me.  It was too far to walk into town from Gate 5, and I ran out of books.  I was an ornament on Teddy’s arm, but there was no real connection. 

The next time Teddy got ready to drive into the City, I took my bag of belongings and got in the car.

“What’s this? What’s the deal?”  Teddy looked confused.

“I don’t think I want to be here.  It just doesn’t feel right.  I’m bored.”

“Well, do something.  I mean, I have money, you can do whatever you want.”  He was almost pleading with me, and I was confused because his indifference made me feel like it didn’t matter much to him what I did.

“I want to go back to the City.”  Now I felt guilty.

“Fuck.”  Teddy slammed the car into gear and we took off.  The trip back across the Bay was accomplished in silence.  We hit the fog bank halfway across the bridge and it seemed fitting that he drop me off in a damp, drizzly afternoon in front of Kendalhang.  As he drove off, I was so relieved.  I didn’t want to make a scene.  I just wanted to split and to do it fast.  I rang the buzzer and Eddie stood at the top of the stairs.  It felt like he hadn’t moved since I walked out.  As I took my bag down the hall to Nancy’s room, he patted me on the back.

Nancy was delighted to see me.  “Cool!  Hey, wanna go to the park?  We’re going to take pictures this afternoon.”  She hugged me.  It was like I’d never been gone.

If Nancy was curious about my stay with Teddy, I wasn’t talking. Things were changing. Teddy still came and went, but we treated each other just the way we always had.  I was surprised he didn’t hold it against me.  But when John asked if I wanted to come and stay with him I was smart enough to say no.